Loot List 6/10/18 -


It’s All Going Parrot-Shaped
41666 gp EACH from Tusker


Broke into the wrong goddamn rec room, didn’t you, you bastard!

+2 longsword
+1 defending shortsword
+2 studded leather armor
3x potions of invisibility

This is that ice cold, Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold

+2 vorpal mithril greatsword
28000gp worth of spellbooks
scroll of teleportation cl 20
6 books written in draconic & abyssal (transcripts of meetings btwn the anchorite and Cthulu and Cthuluflargn) [the cliploft?]

You Can’t Do That on Television (or) The Grand Guignol

(lich, please)
boots of levitation
headband of vast intelligence (+2 perception)
ring of protectionb +2
potion of invis
scroll of control person
scroll of teleport
spellbook (15k gp)

box of onyx (20000gp)

my little ponycorn: scaly people are magic

gold coins, trade bars(!) = 29000 gp

rod of withering (25000 gp)

crown of cruelty (+1 to fear effects; wearer counted as 10 lvls higher for fear/intim) – DESTROYED


They Don’t Understand Diplomacy!

10x +1 dagger
23500 gp in coins
wand of waterbreathing 14 charges
wand of waterwalking 36 charges
cape of the mountebank

24 sphinx feather/gem masks = 31000gp

spinning wheel


_PLAN? There ain’t no plan! _

3x headbands of wis +2
3x amulets of nat armor +1
3x druid’s vestments
3x rings prot +q
5x dusty rose ioun stones (insight bonus to ac)

19x each:
+1 breatsplate
+1 flail
wand of lightning bolt w/ 13 charges (1 has 12 charges)

15x each:
+1 battle ax
+2 hvy wooden shield
+1 breastplate

headband of cha +4
lesser metamagic rod – persistent
4x javelins of lightning
+2 hvy wooden shield
+1 breastplate
+1 returning javelin
cloak of resist +1
ring of prot +1
mw battle ax
6x mw javelin

10x each:
belt of str +2
full plate +1
+1 falchion
ring of prot +1

5x each:
phylactery of negative energy channeling
head of cha +2
+1 breastplate
+1 longsword

headband of cha +4
amulet of nat armor +1
ring of prot +1
cloak of resist +5

loot pile:
gold plat etc – 52720
semiprecious stone city – 5525
wardrobe of gold & diamonds – 12000
jade dragon mirror – 1800
adamantium ring w/ dwarven etchings – 11000
sapphire mithril necklace – 3750
gold & amethyst bracers – 5450

wand of whispering wind (50 chrg) – 45000
scroll of transmute metal to wood
scroll of cloak of chaos
1 blinding buckler shield
eversmoking bottle
+2 shortsword luck blade with no wishes (
1 luck bonus, good fortune 1x/day)

Loot List 1/7/18 - 5/13/18


The Hydra That Almost Wasn’t

boat (not salvageable)
lesser metamagic rod of focus
lesser metamagic rod of bouncing
lesser metamagic rod of reach
headband of cha +4
ring of prot +1
+1 mithril buckler
+2 chain shirt
+1 lt crossbow
30 bolts
MW morningstar


Doughnuts Tainted By the Spawn of Darkness

6x +1 scimitars


equestrian plate
+1 spell-storing lance
+2 large steel shield
ring of protection +1
ring of jumping (minor)
3x mw javelins


That’s a big bitch!

5x lrg greatswords
5x lrg half plate
1 lrg chain shirt
1 lrg MW scythe
Rod of enemy detection
Wand of hold person (48 charges)
2x beads of force



Not So Dangly in the Dell

12 rings of protection +1

3x +1 rapiers
2 +1 daggers (drow made)
+4 fire resist 10 mithral chain shirt
+3 quarterstaff/staff of fire
belt of con +2
headband of cha +2
ring of protection +1


Mother…Bitch! and the Amazing Spider-Drow

headband of wisdom +4
scarves +2 glamoured mithril chainmail (med)
spider mask of the skull

100g worth of mithril

4x mw heavy ace
4x mw mighty composite longbows +2 str bonus (600 gp each)
1400 gp jewelry

10337gp each
DISBURSED: 4/1/2018


Not a Pot to Piss In

3x longswords +1
4x suits of leather armor +1
mithral chain shirt +1
lrg wooden shield +1

suit of full plate

There ain’t no strings on me!

6000 gp gems
5000 gp gold filigree

bracers of armor +4
Cloak of resistance + 4
ring of prot +2
robe of arcane heritage


Merry Band of Seawater Skanks

dagger of venom
ring of animal friendship
gem of brightness

hoard of gemstones 43500 gp


Skip to the Lou

Mithral full plate of speed w/ mw armor spikes (double price)
3x javelins of lightning
Belt of phys perf + 2
Glove of storing (with cure srs wounds at max lvl (3d8 + 15)
Quick runner shirt
Dusty rose ioun stone
Amulet of nat armor + 1
Cloak resist + 1
Ring of prot + 3
2x falcata + 2 furious (+ 3 cost)

I Hate This Prophecy

+2 intrastate (double price)
+2 returning spear
+1 Kingswood
+1 cold iron dagger


That’s How You Make a Juggalo

Lantern of revealing
Gem of Amara Brightness

We Didn’t Steal, We Bargained
(aka sometimes, the fall kills you, and sometimes when you fall, you fly)

trident of fish command
+2 returning net
ring o protection +3
amulet of nat armor +3
boots of springing and striding
seahorseshoes (horseshoes of the zephyr)

56698gp 8s each
DISBURSED: 6/6/2018

Investigations and Alterations
Hillmeet part 2


Investigations and Alterations,

Reeling from the brutal attack by the Dragon’s knights, the party quickly split apart as they dealt with their frustration and anger in methods of varying productivity. T’karska lit a bonfire for her giant mantis mount and assisted with the pyre for the bodies of the enemies. Baron Adelhelm and Princess Aurelia set about raising their fallen party members by employing the services of [name] an incredibly rich freelance divine caster and renowned patron of the arts. Briggs started attacking every bottle of alcohol and every guard he could easily find, although he left the guards bruised and alive in their broken guardhouses and checkpoints, he was not so merciful to the alcohol. Eventually, Briggs was corralled by three strange magic-wielding guards into what they called the ‘meat fountain’ and once he agreed to be subdued, he was taken into custody.

Meanwhile Herod, unaware of his party’s ill fate made an excellent profit off of the rainbow flowers, eventually earning the ire of the local flower mob, but they failed to intimidate the savvy businessman. After amassing a very tidy sum of money, Herod had the good fortune to be approached by a member of the Royal Family looking to secure trade between Dragonridge’s Flower Garden and the royal garden of thorns. He also had the ill fortune to be found by Aurelia, who quickly appropriated a large sum of the money to be used in raising Lady De Burgh and Zyphon from the dead.

Everything and everyone was sorted out by the next morning, with the exception of Briggs who remained incarcerated for his one man rampage across the city. The party, including the massively hungover dwarf, were invited to speak with the Commander of the Guard of Hillmeet, a hard bitten woman and a chronic smoker named Daisywillow. Daisywillow explained, in between smoke rings from her aromatic cigar, that she was willing to overlook Briggs’ ‘indiscretion’ out of appreciation for him not slaughtering her guardsmen, and offered to either take care of the investigation into what happened, help the party with it, or leave them to their own devices. After some debate and context as to what happened, the party agreed to go about their investigation into the attack alone.

The party learned (with the commander’s help, despite her insistence that the city guard were not going to help) that the captain of the Rohan soldiers in the Lady Rohan’s family home had actively prevented the soldiers from assisting their lady during the attack, and then hanged himself once the battle was over. They also learned that one of the two guards responsible for the security of the wards was murdered, his body stuffed into the plane of shadow, while the remaining one insisted he simply let the enemy in as part of a heraldic oversight.

Not believing the guard, Zyphon followed the man through a winding, complicated path meant to foil any tail to the site of the guard’s kidnapped family. Despite the guard’s precautions however, the seasoned tracker in bird form easily found the kidnappers’ lair in the claustrophobic housing of the city’s second district.

Unable to assist with tracking the guard, Baron Adelhelm reluctantly agreed to participate in Lady Rohan and Lady De Burgh’s makeover, after a terse dinner with his in laws (where he found out Lady Dragonridge was pregnant with his eight and ninth children). Although Adelhelm had resisted the onslaught of men, monsters, undead and fiends, even he could not withstand the talents of Hillmeet’s greatest barber, and for a time, his beard, mustache, and eyebrows were well and truly dignified and under control.

Once Zyphon gave the party a target, the party proceeded to smash it, as they were so often inclined. The kidnappers attempted diplomacy and coercion in equal measure to secure their lives, but neither appeased the party and after a very short battle the kidnappers lay dead or dying at the party’s feet and the guard and his family were safe (at least from the kidnappers).

Once Zyphon moved on from his old chew toy to his new one, the party learned a great deal of information from the more intelligent of the two remaining thieves. The less intelligent one corroborated much of the first’s information, albeit unintentionally. It seemed that although the ambush had been in set in motion some time ago, it was barely out of the planning stages when the party arrived. In addition, it seemed the party were not the original target of the attack, but rather an ‘air based summoner of the kingdom’s nobility’. Only one woman in the kingdom properly fit that description, the Dame Veronica Rohan, Baroness of the Golden Sheaves and Lady Rohan’s stepmother. Apparently, the kidnappers were waiting in the wings to abduct her from the docks, before the Dragon’s death squad could make good on their ambush.

Hillmeet Attack!


Settlers continued to flood the region after the party’s success in goblintown, surpassing all hopes and expectations. Patrols were organized, troops were trained, buildings erected and land made safe as a growing wave of enthusiastic people returned home, or arrived to claim new homes. With the road to Goblintown finished, settlers could safely travel from the lake to the interior, reclaiming more and more of the land with each passing day.

It was during this jubilant boom that Sir Gaius Welland arrived with a small group of veteran knights, all of whom pledged their oaths directly to Princess Aurelia. After a dramatic ceremony, T’karska was named Dame-Lady-Sir T’karska, champion of the Princess and first of the country’s knights.

Several letters came along with the knights, communications from King Lloyd and Lady Rohan, in particular. Both inquired as to the new kingdom’s name and the title of its leader. While King Lloyd warned of danger from unhappy members of his court, Lady Rohan offered (and insisted upon) her services in choosing a catchy nickname for Princess Aurelia, as the current leaders were ‘the Goblin Queen’ and ‘the Queen of Slime’

The party was also invited by King Lloyd to the winter festival in Hillmeet, a grand affair of magical weather and knightly tournaments. Taking both the king’s invitation and his warning seriously, the party trekked across the emerging snowfields of the Roselands winter.

Upon arriving in Hillmeet, the party left its merchant to conduct business while they went to meet with Lady Rohan at her town home. Upon arriving at the noble villa, however, the party was set upon by a savage force of Black Knights from the dragon, including traditionally trained heavy dragoons, lizardmen druids masquerading as horses, and a famed Arcane Archer. The battle was the party’s toughest, and when it was over lady De Burgh, Zyphon and T’karska’s giant mantis lay dead in addition to their enemies.

After the attack, the party was left scrambling to return their dead to life, while furious and flabbergasted that such an attack occurred on the front porch of the Kingdom of Thorns.

Victory at Goblintown


On a chilly late fall night Dragonridge was approached by a single running Goblin, who collapsed from exhaustion while the guards summoned Baron Adalhelm and Aurelia. The goblin had a message for the Marseille, stating that goblin town was being attacked by a terrible flying toad creature, and the Goblins needed the Marseille and her champions with all haste.

Runon, the goblin messenger, explained between struggling breaths that 20 goblins had been dispatched to deliver the letter to the marseille by the most direct route, but strange tentacle monsters had waylaid them. The goblin war party fought the creatures so that Runon could escape with the message. Using a variety of transformative magics, the party made the long and treacherous journey directly through the swamp at a breakneck pace.

Early in the second day of travel the party came upon the tentacle monsters that waylaid the goblins, a bizarre and horrific amalgamation of squid and lobster known as chuuls. The chuuls were not prepared for the sheer brutality of the party, and their thick carapace plates were no match for the party’s heavy weapons and magics. The chuuls died quickly, and after looting their absurd ‘decorations’ the party moved on at its incredible pace.

The party reached Goblintown that evening, two full days before the boggards believed they would be capable of. What the evil toad people had intended to be a massacre was turned into a pitched battle with the goblins while their awful toad-god Mobogos fought the arriving heroes. The heroes triumphed over the mobogos, despite that morning’s fight against the chuuls, and provided the Boggard army with the slaughter it had come for.

When the battle was over and every tone-deaf voice in goblintown was raised in celebration, aurelia ascended the stairs of the library and received a crown of origami.
The nation’s first coronation.

The Breakers retaliate


After several weeks of preperations and travel, the first of the returning men and women of westmoreland were situated in a small enclave at Dragonridge. The tiny city was bustling with activity and bursting with people, the sleepy liitle border garfrison now the first foothold of the burgeoning [name pending]

The princess made a biizzare order which piggybacked on the first merchant that the city recieved, an assimar archanist from the otherside of the world named [mike].

After the trader got a proper and confusing greeting bybthe party, an unnatural fog rolled in, followed shortly by a flurry of seagulls, and finally two enourmous hippo like creatures escorted a writhing mass of termites that stained the earth brown and black with their sheer numbers. More swarms of insects began to be summoned inside tge castkes walls, and it was clear to the party [but not the unfortunate trader] that the Breakers were making a move to destroy Dragonridge castle.

The breakers had chosen their war engine well, the party, which could fell the largets foes and cow the strongest wills had no good attack against the swarms. The trader, however, did and he quickly roasted the swarms inside the castle.

Once zyphon identified the correct seagull he assualted it as a stork, leading to a fast battle of claws and shape changing. A combination of Zyphons attacks, the traders magic and the parties notorious brutality brought down the druid and his beleagured animals.

With the threat over, Aurelia rcignized tge Trader as a member of the Scalecrackers, a tribe famous for its ferociousness and its taste for dragon flesh. She invited the powerful arvanist to stay and trade in Dragonridge, in exchange for the chance to fight maberax and his supporters. Seeing an oppertunity for both profit and revenge, [mike] accepted.

Save the pretty lady!


With the castle back in its rightful hands, a great deal of things began to happen in earnest. Baron Adalhelm moved his family and his remaining supporters to their new home, while those who had moved afar were invited to return. Soldiers, workers, and farmers all began to cautiously come to Dragonridge, anxious to see if this really was going to be the beginning of them taking back their home. Duties would have to be assigned, area’s secured, a road would need to be constructed to link the castle to Goblintown, and someone was going to need to find the Princess so she could officially take her throne. Where was she?

During the shuffle, the gourd-headed leshies arrived in Dragonridge, and immediately proclaimed that a pretty lady of theirs was in great danger and needed to be rescued. As said pretty lady was a flower with the capability to purify an unlimited amount of water (and possibly because she was pretty) the party quickly set out to find this creature and make it safe.

What they found first however was a grippli village torn asunder by disease. After killing its undead remnants, they tracked the disease carriers, a group of horribly mutated fae known to seek out other fae and infect them with their maddening visage. Along with their corrupting influence the strange goat creatures, caparmache as they were known, carried among the worst kinds of illness known to man, a cursed disease that was almost impossible to treat through normal means. Despite the danger the creatures posed, the party decorated the leshy’s lily pad-strewn pond home with their blood, each one of the creatures falling before the adventurers.

Beyond the ‘pretty lady’ flower leshy that owed the party its life, the pond was also home to the unearthly beauty of a nymph. The nymph quickly rose from the pond and absconded with Aurelia, only to return several nights later claiming to be married to the Princess.

What could possibly go wrong?

Reclaiming Home


On the final door to the castle from the tunnels, the party found something from the Kobold leader, but rather than a trap they found an offer. The Kobold Leader, who called himself Bone Dancer, claimed that he was not under the same level of control as the undead Dragonridge thought, and that when they fought him, his kobolds would assist in exchange for the ability to leave the castle without further harm.

Despite the Kobolds proclamation when the party arrived in the castle they found the kobolds waiting upon the ramparts about them, drums in hand. WIth a tremendous banging the kobolds brought out their greatest weapon, a pair of incredibly large snapping turtles, each one easily as big as a rampart itself. The fight with the turtles was brief but eventful, with Zyphon being swallowed by one, only to tear his way out in a shower of turtle gore. The others felled the remaining turtle, which saved T’karska from a journey down the gullet of the remaining turtle, just as the Undead Dragonridge lord arrived, with eight forest drake companions of his own.

It was then that the Kobolds made good on their claim, the music rising to a truly incredible volume, the power of the kobolds bards aiding the party’s attacks, while the noise made casting spells much more difficult for all, an action targeted upon the arcane casting of the Undead Dragonridge.

The battle that followed amid the din was wide spread over the castles grounds, with teeth, claws and acid clouds all around in equal measure. The Kobolds had opened the gates, allowing T’karska’s dinosaur to arrive, which she mounted (very dramatically from the dead turtles mouth) and proceeded to wind and weave a path of destruction across the far ranging battlefield. The undead Dragonridge kept out of the throes of battle as best he could, flying about and casting powerful destructive spells, but a breath weapon line proved to tempting and he landed, nearly killing Briggs and Zyphon in with the resultant blast.

On the ground, the undead Dragonridge fell victim to Baron Adalhelm’s most lethal attack, his net. Wrapped in the modified fishing net and anchored to the raging Adalhelm, the undead lord of the castle was truly unable to escape. After a great many blows and a failed spell, the undead offered one last spiteful act, and blew himself apart with a fireball, nearly killing much of the party in the process.

After the work of Howard and Briggs, the party dazedly recovered to find the Kobolds fleeing with exceptional alacrity. Within five minutes they were out of the castle. In ten they could not be seen….

And the castle was theirs, the first part of Westmorelands returned to its people.

These Kobolds are no joke


Despite their care and skill in navigating the trap-filled dungeons under the castle, the party finally tripped an Explosive Runes spell hidden upon a scrap of dusty paper just before the entrance to the castle proper. Having navigated all the other early warning systems successfully, the Kobolds were left to scramble for their response, and before their kill team arrived Lady DeBurgh had incapacitated their black dragon guard with her fascinating Cackle spell.

The Kobold’s response team was invisible, consisting of skulking fighters, tricky divine casters and a sorcerer. Aurelia blocked the sorcerer’s line of sight with a smoke bomb, which prompted a kobold to do the same to Lady DeBurgh with a smoke stick, leaving the chaotic battle to take place in a very small space in a tunnel between the two smoke filled corridors.

Used to taking down foes with their weapons, the party charged forward, only to find the Kobolds especially difficult to pin down. Although some fell to the combined strikes of Zyphon, Brigs and Adalhelm, more fled from the terror magics of Lady DeBurgh.

Ironically, a similar, but more powerful terror spell was Lady DeBurgh’s undoing, the sorcerer, when he could finally see his enemy counterpart, cast Phantasmal Killer, and Lady DeBurgh experienced her worst fear, a ghostly wedding with an enormous cake and her moronic betrothed. Her heart couldn’t take the strain, and she simply died. The party quickly brought the sorcerer down, but death was beyond Briggs or Howard’s ability to heal.

While the main battle was going on, Aurelia and T’karska had been fending off the dazed dragon, the well coordinated fighters felling the large and dangerous beast before it could bring its mighty breath weapon to bear in the tunnels narrow confines. With the dragon and their enemies dead, the party found The castle’s esteemed butler, who was clearly charmed by the undead master of the castle to continue to perform his duties. Even after seeing that that the son of his master had returned, the butler was reluctant to help him against the undead Dragonridge, so strong was his enchantment.

Although the party was victorious, with hundreds of Kobolds still above them as well as the undead lord of the castle, the party was in desperate need of its arcane caster. The decision was made to use the raise dead scroll, the original healing treasure they were sent to get by the countess at the beginning of their adventures, upon Lady DeBurgh. With their sorceress resurrected and a nights rest in the sealed off crypt, the party ascended into Dragonridge Castle.


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